Golf is Giving Me a Heart Attack

Mark Twain once said that golf is a lovely stroll interrupted by a little ball. I feel he should have add to what interrupts this stroll to include sand traps, trees, tall grass, cars parked nearby, and other golfers. You see, I hate golf. Maybe if I was not so bad at it, or if I didn’t spend the afternoon standing in a silica sand bunker, I would enjoy it more. I guess I’m just frustrated with my inconsistency, I can shoot par on one hole, and I end up with a snowman on the next. Maybe I should try taking some golf lessons, but I doubt that any instructor would put up with all my cursing and yelling. Do you think an instructor would help retrieve my clubs after I throw them into the water? Maybe I should just give up the game of golf before it gives me a heart attack.

Practical Jokes

I work in a retirement home looking after people who can no longer look after themselves. It is a rewarding job, and has its perks. One lady I get along with particularly well, her name is Anne and she’s been in the home a while. I admire her; she’s young at heart and loves a laugh and a joke.

Last night on the tube home my phone started vibrating, and as I reached into my bag to pull it out, all the contents of my bag fell out for all eyes to see. My makeup, chocolate wrappers, everything, including a pack of adult nappies. Cringe! That’s Anne for you though. Always playing practical jokes on the staff. God love her.

Throne Room Extraordinaire

I woke this morning to the sound of destruction. It’s amazing how one’s brain goes through a series of electrified scrambles when a loud and unnatural sound jolt’s it awake. I jumped up to investigate while rubbing the sleep from my tired eyes. Today, getting to my bathroom was like climbing a mountain of hazardous household items. On the way, I tripped over my overturned laundry basket. Then, my foot caught in the piles of laundry on the floor and I was lost. In what seemed like slow motion, I fell the rest of the way into my bathroom. In the midst of my fall I found myself cursing my twenty five pound cat. I put my hands out to catch myself. Looking up, I see a hole where my soap dish and some tile was located just last night. I’ve realized it’s time for me to compare Bolton bathrooms.

Who Knew?

My mom was a good cook. Her fried chicken would make you swoon and her biscuits were so light they nearly floated out of the oven. She also learned to cook the delicacies from my dad’s side of the family: chicken soup, brisket, chopped liver. So I had bacon fat on one side and chicken fat on the other. This was before we knew the evils associated with cooking with an excess of fat and salt.

Table salt or rock salt has iodine added to it which can change the taste, so when I became a good cook in my own right, I switched to Kosher salt. Before I knew it, salt had become a boutique item. Now we can spend as much on the seasoning as we do on the protein. Can we really tell the difference between pink salt and grey salt?

The day I maxed out at the gym

There are a lot of things that go into getting a great workout: the music you listen to, the food you ate for lunch, and the sort of people you are training with around you. I like to go to gyms that have comfortable environments, with soft music and helpful employees, so that I can enhance what I want to get out of my workout. The gym that I have been going to most recently even has a personal trainer Leeds roaming around the weight room. The trainers are there to motivate and ensure that each person working out is getting the most out of their workout in a completely healthy way. I was down in the gym for chest day and was attacking the bench when the trainer came over and gave me some tips on proper form. With his advice I was able to hit a new max weight.

Secret for a Long and Happy Marriage

Troy is a quiet man of few words and dislikes idle chit-chat. His wife Clara is a non-stop talker and complainer. They have been happily married for over 50 years. What’s their secret? Troy’s hearing began to diminish after about 20 years of marriage, a casualty of long work hours at the sawmill. The long hours away from Clara and the slow and steady decline of Troy’s hearing kept the couple together until he retired a few years ago. Now controlled hearing keeps the aging couple together and happy. Clara can talk and complain all she wants and the Manchester hearing aids Troy wears in both ears allows them to happily occupy the same room at the same time. He turns them on, off, up and down as desired, hearing what he wants to hear and filtering out the chatter he can live without.

Three Steps To Be Leak Proof

You all heard the popular redneck jokes. Well, this isn’t a redneck story. You know you are old when you are (fill in the blank). You can know these words are wise. I have the sign of wisdom. GRAY HAIR.

You know your are old when you spend 10 minutes stopping the drips after you bleed your gizzard. Yep, I said it, I hit the nail on the head. I was having dinner the other day at the local cafe. My daughter embarrased because the front of my trousers were spotted with my leaking afterward.

So take it from me these three steps to be leak proof. First is to watch how much you drink. Second is dark jeans are terrific in camouflaging. Third do not be too embarrassd to wear incontinence pads. For me these have been lifesavers. I hope these steps will help make you leak proof.